The First Thing We Do Is Kill All the Lawyers
Just so you know, I’m getting ready to file a lawsuit the nation’s major drug manufacturers. The other day I had a bad headache so I went to reach for the aspirin. I couldn’t take it because every time I tried to pick the cotton out of the bottle, I had this major slavery flashback which just shot my world to hell and I was emotionally traumatized.
Of course that sounds ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as the latest lawsuit being filed against the State of Indiana regarding the tragedy at the Sugarland Concert.
The Indianapolis law firm of Cohen and Malad is filing suit on behalf of the 12,000 attendees at the Sugarland concert at the Indiana State Fair. Yes, all 12,000 attendees. We’re not just talking about the people who were injured or killed, but those who were there and may have potentially suffered emotional damages because they witnessed the event. I find these people offensive, disgusting and reminders as to why people hate my other profession.
It is one thing to file suit on behalf of the guy who saw his wife killed by a collapse of the structure. It’s another thing to sue on behalf of the guy who was in the cheap seats in the back because he was allegedly “traumatized” by the event. By following that logic, my friend who lives in Pennsylvania who saw the story on the news is entitled to damages because he was distraught. And while we are at it, let’s sue the TV stations that aired the footage and all the people who recorded the stage collapse with their camera phones and posted it on Facebook, Twitter and You Tube.
This entire ordeal reminds me of the Jerky Boys bit. I’ve embedded it below.
If it weren’t for that part about tyranny reigning, Shakespeare might have gotten the line right in Henry VI.
