TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED IN THE WILDERNESS
Despite my best efforts, my significant other and I made it back from the wilderness in one piece. Now granted, I will admit that as I headed south I was expecting something out of the “The Hills Have Eyes, but no Teeth.” Fortunately, I was wrong. I met really nice people and in fact, not only did I have a good time, overall, I learned a few things. Here they are.
10. Rubbing sticks together won’t help you light your cigar.
9. Godiva chocolate is good for smores, but it melts over an open flame.
8. No matter what the signs say, everything is at least 30 minutes away from where you are.
7. True irony is when your cabin is adjacent to a petting zoo and the donkeys keep you up all night making noise. Although I’m not sure which one was for Clinton and which one Obama.
6. When you are in the woods, you cannot complain about the insects. They were there first.
5. If you find a cell phone signal, don’t move an inch or you will lose and miss out on information regarding Jill Long Thompson’s search for a Lt. Governor and Republican in-fighting over the nomination of a candidate for Attorney General.
4. If you pick a cabin with a hot tub, never criticize your significant other’s driving skills on country roads, because you will never get to use it.
3. They call it poison ivy for a reason.
2. It makes no sense to spend $100 on Land’s End hiking boots if you’re not going to use them because the trail is muddy from last night’s rain.
1. Black people do make it back from the woods.
By the way, I saw the best sign ever on a little church on SR 37, “Count Your Blessings, Not Your Problems.” I agree wholeheartedly.
